Entertaining Men

When I think back on the time when the boys were little, what I remember most is a feeling of being trapped, a sense of impatience, constraint, sometimes even desperation. I remember standing in the kitchen with both hands in the dishwater feeling simply lost and hopeless: Christopher must have been about four years old, and he heard something on the radio that caught his attention, leading to more questions and more questions and endlessly more questions, until I couldn't even imagine where this discussion could possibly be going. How does one explain Stalin to a four-year-old? What kind of an insane mother would even attempt to discuss Stalin with her four-year-old? Then there was the French Revolution at some point when Christopher was in kindergarten and the hopeless absurdity of hearing myself – wanting only to be able to drink my coffee in peace in the cold early morning – finally snapping and announcing to Christopher, "I have no idea why someone would invent a machine specifically for the purpose of chopping off people's heads. All I can tell you is that you have your pants on backwards. Again. The zipper has to go in the front." What kind of conversation is that for an intelligent, educated woman to be having with a kindergartener before the first cup of coffee in the morning?

This evening, however, I took my three men out for a nice dinner to celebrate the publication of Art and Revolution. Now I have the feeling that being able to spend an evening like this in the company of my three favorite people in the world is more than just compensation for the years of frustration and limitations. Christopher and Patrick both have such a wonderfully wicked sense of humor, a great appreciation of the absurdities of this world, but they are also interested and interesting, and it is a delight to hear what they are thinking about. The stories they tell about school leave me helpless with laughter (although I must admit that I have some misgivings about parent-teacher conference day coming up soon – I can only hope that their teachers have a sense of humor as well), and I am most grateful that they have their father's gift of not taking themselves too seriously. Some of their most hilarious stories relate to their own mishaps in PE, for example. They have their own views of the world and current events as well, surprising well informed sometimes, but never humorless.

Even though I feel I worked very hard to earn this privilege, it is indeed an amazing privilege to be able to spend an evening like this with my three men, to simply enjoy the exquisite pleasure of their company.