Half a century

50th birthday party
Originally uploaded by aderieg

Today is my 50th birthday, and it feels good. Fifty years – that’s half a century, and to me that sounds reassuringly strong, secure. A number of people at my birthday party on Saturday expressed concern that it might bring bad luck to celebrate before my actual birthday, but I don’t see it that way. The party that my three men organized for me on Saturday was perfect, and finding myself in a room full of wonderful people who are all part of my life was just what I needed.

When I felt reluctant to celebrate my birthday several months ago, Christopher assured me that I don’t "think fifty", so I have nothing to worry about. Paddy disagreed, however, and suggested that it would suit me to be a crazy old woman. When I asked him whether he would look after me then, he said no, he thought it would be more interesting to just turn me loose on the world and see what happens. The other day, though, Paddy said something else that I found incredibly moving and sweet. He said that time goes the other way for me: since I was prematurely mature and so serious and responsible when I was very young, now it turns around and I can just let go and enjoy life. How can a 16-year-old be that wise? It is an idea that I find most liberating and appealing, so I have chosen to believe him.

Yesterday Seth came with pictures that he took at the party on Saturday. Looking at the pictures as I put them online yesterday evening, seeing all the wonderful people who came to celebrate with me, re-reading all the beautiful messages from people who couldn’t make it, thinking about all the people who have been part of my life over the last half century, I feel honored, privileged, touched, secure, grateful – and very, very happy.

For the moment, all I can say is – thank you!