My grown-up household?
Having become much too slow and unfocused to keep up with the amount of work that I used to be able to accomplish, the work just keeps piling up and I just get more tired and frustrated. Somewhere at the periphery of my attention, however, I am aware that some things have changed. For example, I no longer live with small children.
The other day when Christopher came in, he poked his head in through the door of the bedroom where I was working, and wanted to immediately launch into a detailed discussion of the film he had just seen. As I was already having enough trouble concentrating on what I was doing, I really didn’t want to hear about it and vented my frustration in an impatient rejection of the interruption. What really caught my attention then, however, was that Christopher was not offended or upset by my impatience. Instead, he just gave me a look of amused affection, suggested I needed some tea and went into the kitchen to make some for me. After eighteen years of simply accepting interruptions as inevitable and unavoidable, now I not only no longer have to accept them, I even get a nice cup of tea instead. This situation clearly calls for something other than ongoing irritableness from me.
Similarly, as Paddy and I were on our way home in September, at some airport along the way I started badly losing my grip. Then, as though out of a thick fog somewhere, I heard this serious young voice sternly telling me, “Mom, you have to eat something.” I was so shocked by that, that it pulled me back into a state of at least minimal awareness: How does my sixteen-year-old son even know that? And where did that tone of authority come from in his voice?
I am still their mother, however. I still need to be able to take care of them sometimes, lecture them, scold them, question them and tell them when they are doing a good job. I am still the head of this household and still have veto rights – along with more responsibilities. Nevertheless, it is very reassuring and comforting to realize that if I fall apart, there are two more people here who will look after me.
This situation still feels very new and tentative, but I think it is something I will probably enjoy becoming accustomed to.
The other day when Christopher came in, he poked his head in through the door of the bedroom where I was working, and wanted to immediately launch into a detailed discussion of the film he had just seen. As I was already having enough trouble concentrating on what I was doing, I really didn’t want to hear about it and vented my frustration in an impatient rejection of the interruption. What really caught my attention then, however, was that Christopher was not offended or upset by my impatience. Instead, he just gave me a look of amused affection, suggested I needed some tea and went into the kitchen to make some for me. After eighteen years of simply accepting interruptions as inevitable and unavoidable, now I not only no longer have to accept them, I even get a nice cup of tea instead. This situation clearly calls for something other than ongoing irritableness from me.
Similarly, as Paddy and I were on our way home in September, at some airport along the way I started badly losing my grip. Then, as though out of a thick fog somewhere, I heard this serious young voice sternly telling me, “Mom, you have to eat something.” I was so shocked by that, that it pulled me back into a state of at least minimal awareness: How does my sixteen-year-old son even know that? And where did that tone of authority come from in his voice?
I am still their mother, however. I still need to be able to take care of them sometimes, lecture them, scold them, question them and tell them when they are doing a good job. I am still the head of this household and still have veto rights – along with more responsibilities. Nevertheless, it is very reassuring and comforting to realize that if I fall apart, there are two more people here who will look after me.
This situation still feels very new and tentative, but I think it is something I will probably enjoy becoming accustomed to.
posted by Aileen at Saturday, November 22, 2008
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home