Irrational Peace

I write this while I know I should be studying. In the past week I have been surrounded by events that have me built up incredibly and then shattered everything again. I don't quite know how to deal with all this, I feel it's important right now to concentrate on my exams but never forgetting that the world will always continue with or without me. That's the terrible thing essentially. The world will always keep on spinning even when everything around you tells you that it shouldn't, that things shouldn't be like this. I'm trying to think of three things at once and trying to push another bunch of things to the back of my mind and it seems it's working but I'm beginning to feel it shouldn't be. I don't seem to know anything any more, and I don't know why. I can tell you all about the Cuban revolution and about the Viet Nam War or about the end of détente but what difference does that make to what's going on right now?

It's been stormy outside on and off for the past few days and I'm beginning to think that that's what describes me best right now. Clouds banging together making noise, flashing light and rain pouring down that could be potentially destructive, though it's not a nice thought. Also I seem to be a void of words the past few days and today I wrote 23 pages all in all at 3 different exams and suddenly I feel the need to write, just write. I don't know where I'm going with this, the next word simply pops up in my head and goes straight to my fingers. That's probably not the best way to write but it's the only way now, here or in the exam room. Out.

The official name for the finishing exams in Austria is "Reifeprüfung" which means "exam of maturity", though it's extremely morbid I feel that that name describes this situation better now than it was ever intended to do.