Quiet Christmas
It was already quite clear to everyone in September that Christmas this year could not possibly be a joyous time for any of us. While we were in Michigan Daniel took us to the “biggest Christmas store in the world”, but I think none of us were really in a frame of mind to try to imagine looking forward to Christmas. Right at the start, a display rack with big, round, yellow “happy face” ornaments stopped us in our tracks, as though the display rack had a huge blinking sign on it that said “AMY!” At first, I couldn’t imagine putting something like that on our tree, but Daniel bought two of them, one for his house, one for Paddy to take home.
When we finally managed to get a tree and put it up on Tuesday, Paddy hung up the “happy face” ornament first, and I almost had the feeling that was enough, that we could just leave the tree as it was then. However, Christopher and I did then proceed to hang up some other ornaments as well, with Paddy periodically commanding “freeze!” so that he could take a picture without flash, and the “happy face” ornament displayed prominently close to the top goes well with Bean’s star with one slightly wilted arm (it was a bit close to a candle one year).
A bit late this year (as usual), but still at least close to the beginning of December, Paddy, Christopher and Seth went with me into town to pick out Christmas treats to send to the various family households in England, Michigan and Albuquerque. I was grateful that the boys came with me and kept track of things while holding intense philosophical debates at the same time. I wasn’t coping very well, and there was no way I could have done it alone. It was at that point that Paddy suggested we don’t really need presents for Christmas, and we could really just skip the consumerism part and boycott shopping, which sounded like a tremendous relief to me. In the end we agreed that all we really need for Christmas are books to read and sweets to nibble, so we agreed to give each other presents, but no more than a book each, although I was not relieved from elf duty as far as stockings are concerned. The “one book each” idea eventually expanded to include films, and Peter cheated a bit by getting a nice sweater for each of us, but that worked too. Christmas presents – and thus also Christmas shopping – were kept to an absolute minimum this year, and that turned out to be very cozy and reassuring.
Feeling so very ambivalent about Christmas this year, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about what Christmas felt like to me growing up and what memories my sons might keep. One of my strongest memories is that when I was a child, Christmas actually started when we went to the airport to pick up the Shanahans. I’m glad the Shanahans are in Albuquerque this year, where I imagine they are most needed, but I wish so much that I could see them again. I think the best Christmases we have had with the boys were the ones shared with at least some part of the rest of my family, whether in the US or in Europe, but it has been too long now since that last happened. I had hoped so much that this would be the year when Amy would be able to come here again. When the boys were little, it was fun – at least I thought it was fun – to bake and decorate together before Christmas, but that ended as soon as they started secondary school. With all the pressure from school, it is just not possible to do any kind of preparations for Christmas together, and if we can’t do it together, then there is no point in doing it at all. This year again, the reason we didn’t get our Christmas tree until Tuesday evening was that the boys both had math tests Tuesday morning and had to keep studying until then.
Assuming the boys both finish school in the coming year, I have no idea what Christmas might possibly be like in the future. Maybe we really will just skip it altogether, or maybe big family gatherings might be possible again. For right now, though, it is good to have just a few quiet days together.
When we finally managed to get a tree and put it up on Tuesday, Paddy hung up the “happy face” ornament first, and I almost had the feeling that was enough, that we could just leave the tree as it was then. However, Christopher and I did then proceed to hang up some other ornaments as well, with Paddy periodically commanding “freeze!” so that he could take a picture without flash, and the “happy face” ornament displayed prominently close to the top goes well with Bean’s star with one slightly wilted arm (it was a bit close to a candle one year).
A bit late this year (as usual), but still at least close to the beginning of December, Paddy, Christopher and Seth went with me into town to pick out Christmas treats to send to the various family households in England, Michigan and Albuquerque. I was grateful that the boys came with me and kept track of things while holding intense philosophical debates at the same time. I wasn’t coping very well, and there was no way I could have done it alone. It was at that point that Paddy suggested we don’t really need presents for Christmas, and we could really just skip the consumerism part and boycott shopping, which sounded like a tremendous relief to me. In the end we agreed that all we really need for Christmas are books to read and sweets to nibble, so we agreed to give each other presents, but no more than a book each, although I was not relieved from elf duty as far as stockings are concerned. The “one book each” idea eventually expanded to include films, and Peter cheated a bit by getting a nice sweater for each of us, but that worked too. Christmas presents – and thus also Christmas shopping – were kept to an absolute minimum this year, and that turned out to be very cozy and reassuring.
Feeling so very ambivalent about Christmas this year, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about what Christmas felt like to me growing up and what memories my sons might keep. One of my strongest memories is that when I was a child, Christmas actually started when we went to the airport to pick up the Shanahans. I’m glad the Shanahans are in Albuquerque this year, where I imagine they are most needed, but I wish so much that I could see them again. I think the best Christmases we have had with the boys were the ones shared with at least some part of the rest of my family, whether in the US or in Europe, but it has been too long now since that last happened. I had hoped so much that this would be the year when Amy would be able to come here again. When the boys were little, it was fun – at least I thought it was fun – to bake and decorate together before Christmas, but that ended as soon as they started secondary school. With all the pressure from school, it is just not possible to do any kind of preparations for Christmas together, and if we can’t do it together, then there is no point in doing it at all. This year again, the reason we didn’t get our Christmas tree until Tuesday evening was that the boys both had math tests Tuesday morning and had to keep studying until then.
Assuming the boys both finish school in the coming year, I have no idea what Christmas might possibly be like in the future. Maybe we really will just skip it altogether, or maybe big family gatherings might be possible again. For right now, though, it is good to have just a few quiet days together.
posted by Aileen at Thursday, December 25, 2008
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