Paddy in London

Paddy arrived yesterday evening in London, took the bus into the city and met Francis, all as arranged. This morning he set off into the city and apparently spent all of his birthday money on DVDs, but he sounded quite pleased with what he had found.
In the meantime, he has safely arrived in Milton Keynes, where he will spend the night with his friend Precious, before they both set off tomorrow for Kemble.
It is a bit hard to really believe he is that competent and capable, especially when I have so many opportunities for "checking up on him" via the computer, thus creating for myself the illusion of having some control, but apparently he is.
Peter asked this morning if we are making ourselves obsolete as parents by allowing the boys so much freedom. I reminded him that that is, in fact, our job.

On this day 14 years ago

On this day fourteen years ago, in the early hours of the morning, the midwife started to laugh and said, "I don't think we have any clothes to fit a dwarf this size!" Patrick was so long and so thin when he was born, with enormous feet and incredibly long fingers - and bright red hair. At various stages - such as the current one - he repeatedly reverts to his original form, long and thin with enormous feet and Martian-like fingers, but his hair has never been red again, it is soft and golden and only has glints of red sometimes in the sun.
Having known Patrick now for all of 14 years, I think he is still one of the most interesting people I know - challenging, puzzling, occasionally obsessive, but always warm-hearted and generous, and when he feels happy and accepted, with his keen wit he can be hilariously funny.
Happy Birthday Patrick!

Saturday morning

Christopher wasn't late at all last night, in fact he came in 20 minutes early. He brought a friend with him, who spent the night, because he didn't feel like walking up the hill at that hour, and his friend marched right in and told me I should be very proud of Christopher, because his performance was brilliant last night.
I am proud of Christopher. Despite all our differences, I think he is a good kid, and I would like to have a chance to see him perform again, because I enjoy watching him.

End of semester

We have now all survived the first semester of school this year, the boys got their report cards this morning. Since Christopher failed every single exam he was there to take, with the exception of the one English exam, most of his teachers said they didn't have enough material to assess his work and wrote "no assessment" instead of a grade, which is actually extremely generous. Without some improvement, he won't be able to move on to the seventh class like this, but if he can improve, it least he doesn't have to balance out a failure in the first semester.

Patrick isn't doing particularly well in French and German, but at least he is motivated to improve his French. Probably not German, but that's the way it is. I don't think anyone is going to worry too much about it. Other than that, Patrick has figured out how school works, so he is fine.

He is getting very excited about going to London on Monday, though, although he denies being wound up. When he is especially happy or excited, he insists on speaking Spanish to me (occasionally alternating with French). Since he only started learning Spanish this semester, so far I can keep up, but that is not likely to last long. On the whole, I have not heard a lot of English from him today (the boys never speak German with Peter or me), except when he was talking to Charlotte through the computer, when the two of them just got sillier and sillier. To be fair, maybe Charlotte was being quite sensible and reasonable on her end and I just couldn't hear that, because Paddy had his headset on, but it was thoroughly impossible to get any sensible information out of their conversation as I was looking at timetables on various websites and trying to figure out whether Paddy and his friend should take a bus to Swindon via Oxford, instead of going back into London to catch a train. I finally gave up and joined their conversation from the laptop, fortunately just as Sara came in, so the two mothers took over and filled in the gaps of information together.

Since Christopher only managed to get back to school two days before the teachers had to hand in all their grades for the semester, he arrived just in time to join in all the end-of-semester festivities - and Christopher is not one to miss a party. Not long ago we reached a compromise that he may be allowed to stay out later than midnight once a month, since he will be 16 in May, especially if he is performing somewhere. That once a month is tonight, and he is performing, so we agreed that he will be home by 3:00. However, since I have been working all day, except for a few hours spent trying to sort out Paddy's travel plans, and my eye is getting tired again, I don't think I will try to spend the next one and a half hours working until he gets home. Since he knows I won't go to bed until he is home, he is normally very conscientious about being on time.

Tomorrow Paddy and I have to get up to go out and get presents for him to take on Monday, then I need to bake cupcakes for his birthday on Sunday, because that's what he wants. Maybe I should try to get some more work done tonight after all ....

If it's not one thing, then it's another

Driving to the psychologist's office and back on Tuesday, the heating in the car badly irritated my eye. As I was working yesterday on a text that required reading at least five web sites simultaneously to track down obscure terminology, I finally strained my eye so badly that I had to abandon the computer and take refuge in a dark room. And I had planned on being able to catch up on work yesterday while both boys were at school for a change, so that I could devote my attention in the evening to some of my own interests, all of which involve the computer. Sitting in a dark room was not what I wanted to be doing.
Sometimes I wonder if it is just me being badly organized, or if anyone anywhere can ever really balance their time to get everything done that they need to do and want to do.

Meeting with the psychologist

This afternoon Peter, Christopher and I drove all the way out to one of the ugliest little villages in Austria to meet with a psychologist. He works at the psychiatric clinic in Linz, but they only treat in-patients there, not even their own out-patients, let alone patients from a different hospital, which is why we had to go to his private practice. I was a bit worried about what that might end up costing, but since he will be doing diagnostic tests with Christopher, we will be able to get most of the costs reimbursed through our health insurance.
I wish I could post some new insights here, but I think it was mostly the psychologist getting a clear idea of what Christopher's situation is, so we (mostly I, I think) did most of the talking. In any case, he and Christopher made an appointment to go through a whole series of diagnostic tests to check Christopher's memory and attention abilities, and after we explained our situation to him, that Peter and I are both self-employed, so it really is a burden to have to drive Christopher to Marchtrenk, he said he would do the tests with him in his office at the hospital in Linz. That would make life easier too.
In the end, however, he did say that Christopher has a lot to cope with, and all in all he seems to be managing fairly well - things could be a lot worse. I was glad to hear him say that.
Other than that, Christopher has been going to school for two whole days now, and every once in a while we get a glimpse of the reasonable and rational human being that he is becoming. As sleepy as I was this morning, I was very impressed with the way he asked me not to knock on the door more than once to remind him to get out of the shower in the mornings - he was quite firm about how irritating it is if I knock more than once, but also civil and polite about it. There is hope!

Snow and ice

We had so much snow last week and throughout the weekend that it caused problems everywhere - I'm afraid Will and Jean must be completely snowed in. Now there is just ice everywhere in the city, so it felt like quite an adventure just walking across the bridge to my office this morning.
Patrick slipped yesterday and hurt his back, and then he slipped again in the afternoon and hurt his thumb, so I have been worrying about him instead of Christopher for a change. Since he said it wasn't so painful this morning, we didn't take him to the hospital for x-rays, but I will probably start driving up the wall soon, since I feel compelled to ask him at least once an hour how he feels and what the pain feels like, and is he sure we don't need to take him to the hospital for x-rays.

Can we really make it through an entire week without anyone needing a doctor?

Not quite so easy

As it later became apparent, this bout of meningitis was not quite as easy as we initially thought. By Wednesday afternoon Christopher was getting very tired again, and his temperature started rising. It didn't go up too high, but he spent all day yesterday lying on the couch feeling weak and low as the meningitis turned into a bad cold with coughing and a runny nose.
I hope we made the right decision not to take him to the hospital this time, because it certainly makes life easier for me, if I don't have to stop working entirely to look after him, as I do when he is in the hospital. Of course, it is still stressful to keep working while looking after a sick child at the same time, and I was under a lot of pressure yesterday to finish an eleven-page press release in time for an exhibition opening last night.
At this point I am still trying to catch up with the work I couldn't finish when Christopher was home sick last week, but I am fortunate that the people I translate for are all very understanding and willing to make an effort to be as flexible as possible. However, I still find it difficult to have to readjust my self-image, because I am no longer as reliable as I have always thought of myself.
Christopher still has a slight temperature this morning; now I am just hoping that he doesn't feel well enough by the afternoon to start arguing with me about wanting to go to a ball tonight!

A quiet morning

After Christopher went to bed last night, he was obviously struggling with the fever for some time, but he became calmer and started breathing deeply again not too long after midnight. He didn't wake up when I put my hand on his head, but his head was no longer as hot either, so I went to bed, although I got up several times during the night when I heard him tossing and turning.
When he got up about 15 minutes ago, he was alert enough to realize that it is Wednesday and ask why I am not teaching my class at the art university this morning (because semester break has already started for the university), which I thought was impressive, since I had no idea what day it is today.
He is still a bit spacey, and his head is still bothering him a little, but he doesn't have a fever now. He wasn't sure about whether he should go to the hospital or not, but we agreed to wait and see how his head feels when he has been up for a bit, and whether his temperature stays down. It looks like the worst is over. I'm not sure whether we are all just getting used to it, or whether the episodes of meningitis are really less severe, but it any case, it does seem to be getting easier.

Meanwhile I have been seriously neglecting my younger son, who is also in pain but much more quiet about it. Yesterday afternoon he went off happily to the orthodontist expecting to get his braces removed. When he got them on just after his 13th birthday last year, he was told that he would need to wear them for a year. Since he will be 14 in eleven days, he thought that was long enough. Unfortunately, instead of taking his braces off, the orthodontist tightened them and said they need to stay on for another eight weeks, and Patrick complained that a sadistic assistant even made his mouth bleed. And then his distracted mother didn't even hear him, when he woke up in pain at four in the morning! In my own defense, I can only say that Patrick suffers much more quietly than Christopher does, but I will make something nice and soft for him for lunch and try to make it up to him this afternoon.

This may be a long night

It is now half past eight in the evening here in Austria, and I am feeling a bit nervous, so I thought it would be reassuring to imagine that the people who love us might read this and be thinking of us.
Christopher has been getting steadily worse all day, but he didn't want to go into the hospital yet, so we decided to try it at home. Paddy kept him company on the couch all afternoon, I took over later as Christopher's temperature started rising. After about seven it started rising dramatically and he was feeling miserable, but still conscious, and he said there was no point in going to the hospital then, when no one would be there who could do a spinal tap. When his temperature went above 39, I got nervous and called Peter, who made more phone calls. The hospital agreed with Christopher, and I just spoke with our family doctor on the phone, who said that we should keep an eye on him all night, watch his breathing and give him another pill if he wakes up in pain, but as long as he is sleeping, we will just let him sleep in his own bed tonight and take him in in the morning. Since he was conscious enough to climb into his own bed on the top bunk, this should be ok.
This is our first attempt to keep him at home, but I think it is better for everyone, if we don't have to take him in. We'll see how his headache is in the morning, if he still needs to go in for a spinal tap, or if he can cope like this.
But I think I need to walk away from the computer now. This might be a good time to do some ironing.

Here we go again

Yesterday Christopher had a long talk with the school director that seemed to do his confidence a lot of good. He seemed much calmer when he came home, but I thought his eyes seemed a little too dark. Apparently that must be another sign to watch for: in the evening he started not feeling very well, and things went downhill very quickly. We gave him the pain medication that his doctor had recommended last week, though, so his temperature didn't start rising too quickly and the headache was held at bay so he could sleep.
After sleeping for thirteen hours straight through, he is up now, but although he is sitting on the couch with his eyes open, he isn't really there. He is just confused and dazed and very weak, but at least he is not in great pain. While this is hardly a pleasant state, at least it seems manageable for now. We don't need to take him straight to the hospital, so I can keep working in between checking on him regularly.

I'm going to have to stop working soon, though, to have lunch ready as soon as Paddy gets home from school. Ever since he suddenly passed me up in height last week, the poor kid has been permanently starving!

Living in a parallel universe

Christopher has been at a meeting of a leftist political youth organization all day and just came home feeling self-righteously indignant, because I had called his friends to get a number where I could reach him to tell him to come home, because he still has school work to do. He is going to study again tomorrow with a friend of Moni's, who is a math teacher on maternity leave.
Unfortunately, riding home on the street car left him far too much time to prepare arguing with me. He talked himself into believing that he has been studying diligently every afternoon this week. He swore that he was fine on Monday and on Tuesday and just felt a little unwell Wednesday evening.
In which world was that? Certainly not the one I live in!
Now I am glad I posted what was going on on Monday to this blog, which I insisted he should sit down and read with me.
It took quite a bit of insistance from me about Monday and Paddy's adamant account of Tuesday to make him even begin to feel slightly doubtful about his memories of what he has been doing all week.
I have long suspected that Christopher lives in a parallel universe that only bears a superficial resemblance to the one the rest of us inhabit.

I am not short

As Patrick and I passed each other in the hall yesterday, he suddenly stopped and announced, "I'm taller than you!" We have been doing a daily nose-to-nose comparison every morning for months now, and he was always just about half a centimeter shorter than me. That is no longer the case. I insisted on getting confirmation from impartial observers, but it is true: Patrick is now taller than I am. Only by about a hair's breadth, but still perceptibly taller. Now he likes to pat me on the head and call me "shorty". Especially in Spanish.
That now makes me officially the shortest person in my immediate household.
That does not make me "short", however, I just live with three tall men.

Negligent parents

A few days ago Orlando sent me an article about the game Paddy has been working on and how it has been rated with a higher age limit because of some scenes hidden in the code. (Thanks, Orlando, I vaguely remember having heard something about it, but I didn't know the details.) When I showed the article to Paddy and asked him about it, he seemed surprisingly well prepared. Apparently the matter has been much discussed on the message boards for the game. In any case, he quite indignantly rejected my question about whether the addition he is working on would be given a higher age limit for sexual content, but he was a bit more inclined to prevaricate about the issue of violence. In the end, he cheerfully pointed out that it's a good neither he nor any of his team members lives in the US, where they wouldn't even be allowed to play the game.
Does that make me a bad mother?
I think I would be more concerned, if he spent more time playing this obnoxious game. As it is, he is more enthusiastic and learning more about 3D modelling, character development and narrative - and working together online with a very diverse group. I hope I am not just being naive to think that is what will remain with him.
One advantage I have is that while Paddy has been working on his game extension, I have been doing translations for a friend of mine, an artist whose work has intrigued me for years, who is especially interested in art and computer games. I enjoy writing to her about what Paddy is doing, and he is interested in what I am translating for her about art and game theory.
In addition, his interest in and appreciation of computer art seems to grow the more he learns to do himself. Recently I pointed out to him that all the blogs and mailing lists I like to read had tributes to Nam June Paik, a very famous and influential artist who died last week. Paddy was curious, so we started looking at the Nam June Paik website together, and he became more and more interested as we looked at some of the pictures, showing real appreciation for the pioneering work that Paik did. I really enjoy being able to have conversations like that with Paddy.
And under the circumstances of life in our household at this time, I can also appreciate how it might feel quite satisfying to spend some time virtually crashing cars and blowing things up.

Our epic crisis

After our last meeting with Christopher's doctor at the hospital, we received an 8-page report from the hospital on the results (or lack thereof) from all the tests and the course of Christopher's illness so far. We all tried to read it, but no one understood very much of it. It started with the heading "Epikrise", which we couldn't find in any of our German dictionaries at home. Paddy said it's very simple: "Krise" means "crisis", we know what that means, it is what we have all the time. Then he claimed that "epi" is related to "epic", a large-scale, highly dramatic, unending story. Thus Patrick's interpretation: "Epikrise" means that Christopher is at the center of an "epic crisis".

This week I have the feeling he might be right:
Monday: slight temperature, some headache, exhaustion;
Tuesday: aggressive behavior, moodiness, temper outbursts;
Wednesday: despair, at the same time wound up, nervous energy;
Thursday (today): exhausted, drained, some headache, no fever yet.

And in all of these states, Christopher needs extra attention, which I find exhausting. Peter is so overworked that he can't cope with Christopher not coping (Since Christopher has never been particularly energetic or ambitious about school, could he really be "using" his illness as a kind of excuse for slacking off?), which leaves Paddy once again as the "last man standing". I'm glad Paddy is going to London in a few weeks, because the poor guy really needs a break. At the same time, I am extremely grateful for his wicked sense of humor and his amazing patience.